


A Nice Kinda Quiet

by WhateversWorking



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Jealousy, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Pining, Poverty, Unrequited Crush, dumpster diving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25218721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhateversWorking/pseuds/WhateversWorking
Summary: Kenny likes that Kyle never pities him.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89





	A Nice Kinda Quiet

Kenny likes that Kyle never pities him.

He doesn’t really think it’s out of any sympathy on Kyle’s part. He simply believes that Kyle respects him a bit more than that, and until the day Kyle chooses to confirm or deny it, he’ll stick with that theory because it makes him feel a little less hollow about his life.

After all, he has always grown up with the knowledge that no matter what he does, he’ll never amount to anything significant – not _really_. If other kids were born with a head start in life, Kenny was born with a reservation in hell.

So, it’s nice to be respected, even if it ends up just being in his mind.

“Ew! What the fuck was that dude.”

Kenny grins, for all of Kyle’s need to carry himself with a certain level of sophistication, he was still just a prissy boy at heart, sometimes.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Broflovski, it was probably just a racoon.”

“’Just a racoon?’ I’ll be lucky if I don’t end up getting mauled or contracting rabies.”

“You’re the one who agreed to go dumpster diving!”

“That was – I don’t always know why I do things.” He mumbled. Turning away as he gripped his shoulders.

Kenny knows why he does things. Kyle does things because of Stan. And when Stan and Wendy are back together and he needs to get his mind off of them. He doesn’t really understand why it’s so hard for Kyle to admit these things to himself, it’s not as if holding them in is gonna make the pain hurt any less. That’s why Kenny can’t be bothered with anything anymore, people may call him shameless, white trash, or worse, but at the end of the day he’s fine with the way he himself is, and that’s more than most people can say for themselves.

Once they reach the Junk Yard, Kenny all but dives headfirst into the pile of trash. He’ll take anything; a relatively clean bottle, some scrap metal, coupons, half-finished condiments, the works. He’s not too good for anything. In the back of his mind he tries to look out for a cute doll for Karen, and maybe an anime poster for his brother, or something. All the while, Kyle has been watching him with a quizzical look in his eyes, as if he can’t exactly fathom why Kenny goes to such lengths for something so small. It’s not disgust, it’s just pure curiosity, and Kenny really likes that about Kyle.

After a while, he hears him take a deep, slightly overdramatic breath in and pick apart at some trash too. Kyle, for his part, isn’t actually bad at this. He’s good at spotting all the small coupons and discount cards that have yet to be expired, and he gets a reasonable amount in before he starts complaining again.

“Man…I’d be lucky if I don’t manage to catch some sort of STD here.”

“STD? I didn’t know you were looking for _that_ kind of experience – “

“Just, stop. Kenny, stop. Bad Kenny.” Kyle jabs at him with each word, but his lips quirk up in a smile and Kenny can’t stop chuckling. Just, amongst all this mess he still looks a bit too clean. It makes Kenny want to mess him up a bit more sometimes, but he goes back to pulling apart at old newspapers and rusty car parts instead of mussing up Kyle’s hair, that was an equal shade of rusty.

It had taken a while to get used to Kyle without his green ushanka. Stan and Cartman had matured a lot better into their teenagerhood and let go of their old clothing a lot easier. And on them Kenny thinks they look better, without his boyish clothes Stan appears a bit more rugged and handsome, and some hair framing Cartman’s face made it look a lot less bloated, maybe even charming. Kenny doesn’t really want to give up on his parka, not if the only other option is wearing his dad’s or his brother’s clothes. He’d rather keep dying in this.

Without his hat, Kyle looked too young. He had always sported quite a babyface and that earned him endless teasing on Cartman’s end. It had taken him the longest to stop wearing his old hat because of that, and for a while Kenny might have felt closer to him because they were both wearing something from their shared childhood. Like, maybe they too had some special connection separate from Stan or Cartman or Butters or any one of the guys. But Stan had said Kyle might look better without it one day, and Kyle just did.

It made him a bit bitter to think about it.

For a while, when they were younger, Kyle would come by his house to hang out more often. He’s never commented on his living conditions like the other boys did. He never really whined about the low bed, the peeling wallpaper, only the occasional bug or two. Kenny asked Kyle about it once, and he just said;

_“I know you’re poor, but that’s not on you. Why should I gripe to you about it when you deal with it every day.”_ He shrugged.

Up to that point Kenny never really thought of Kyle as an overly empathetic person, but it was this ability of him to separate Kenny from the larger problems in his life that really let him see just how fair Kyle could be most of the time. It wasn’t a pitying comment, or a degrading one, it was a comment that let him see that maybe all his faults weren’t entirely his own.

He thinks that comment might have saved him, back then. 

From that point Kenny tried getting Kyle over more. And for a while, he succeeded. Usually Stan would come along, even less so Cartman, but it was the times when it was just him and Kyle that were the most blissful moments he ever had in that house. When they were simply playing games and Kenny was allowed to just forget about his own problems. They were nice, and the quiet that stretched between them was surprisingly calming. Particularly because Karen really liked Kyle too. Kyle liked to read and used to bring books that he would read aloud for Karen mostly, but Kenny liked listening in too.

Ever since Kyle realised Karen couldn’t go to elementary school, he’d sort of taken it upon himself to give her various lessons about whatever on weekends when Stan was having football practice. He’s always been someone who valued education, and maybe it is because he has a younger brother that he felt a sense of obligation to give someone this opportunity as well. Sometimes his overly righteous attitude can be nice. Kenny doesn’t show it but he really appreciates it. Karen rarely talks to other people and learning seems to be something she really enjoys doing. Whatever makes Karen happy Kenny will love wholeheartedly because she's the one thing in his life that's still there for him, and still pure. And if she never existed, Kenny doesn’t think he’d be able to go on for this long. He would have gone crazy.

Lately, Kyle hasn’t been coming over. He only does so every once a month now. Karen especially misses him.

They dig around a bit more, and Kenny gets one of the biggest hauls he has ever gotten. Even more so than when he used to come here with Craig. Which was kinda impressive, considering Craig’s knack for sniffing out certain things. Like some sort of predator, or something. They’d started doing this together when Craig wandered his way here to kick at a few scraps of metal in their freshman year of high school. Kenny was just excited to see someone else in this part of town, and he went up to him to talk and talk. Part of him knows it must’ve been annoying, especially when he kept prying for why he went here, but Craig never complained much, and they had some nice times here; mostly smoking pot, complaining about shitty parents, caring for younger sisters, and what assholes everyone at school was. One time, they had even gotten close enough to wrap their arms around each other. He wished he did something more then, but it would never have worked out. They were both too jaded to really stand one another.

Craig was another weird one, and like Kyle, he fascinated Kenny. Always distanced from others, even his closest friends. A bit of a mysterious man to many people, but in the end, Kenny knows he’s just a lonely kid who has trouble communicating with others. He’s glad he found someone like Tweek to focus on, because these days he looks a bit happier, a bit easier to get along with. Though, a new boyfriend means less time to hang out and do dumb stuff with Kenny.

After Kenny is satisfied with what he got, and Kyle had finished washing his hands with his water bottle, Kenny takes Kyle to one of his favourite spots to get drunk and high and just, relax. It’s an old corner with less foul smelling crap and more metallic waste, and more importantly there was a faded blue truck that’s still in reasonably good shape. He and Craig joked about fixing it up and taking their sisters and driving far, far away once. He never told Craig but it got to the point where he genuinely got interested in fixing up old cars because of it. But now that dream was dead and Kenny can see it for what it always was: just a useless piece of junk.

Jumping on the hood makes a loud _thunk_ noise that causes concern from Kyle. Kenny ignores it and reaches through the window for a bottle of alcohol from the scarce stash he’s managed to hoard over the years. Kyle declines the drink but doesn’t turn down the offer to lay back against the hood of the truck together. And Kenny wonders whether this whole thing will be like a Craig situation, where they’ll go back to talking and having fun with an undertone of something _more_ in all their accidental touches until Stan breaks up with Wendy and Kyle is there again to pick up the pieces.

The first gulp he takes always burns the most.

“Wow…it’s kinda nice being here.”

“Yeah,” Kenny says. “So, what’s the deal with you and Stan this time?” the mention of Stan always gives one of two reactions: flusteredness or exasperation. It's the latter now, as Kyle groans and grips the ends of his hair harshly. His ivory skin almost glowing in the moonlight.

“Does it even matter anymore? In the end, he and Wendy are always gonna get together. I’m such an asshole for wanting them to just break up and leave each other.” And even softer, “he’s just gonna leave me anyway…”

Kenny doesn't like when Kyle gripes about Stan. Because suddenly it's as if he becomes more afraid, more worried and not at all like the strong willed boy he knows he is. At the same time, Kenny is the only one who really knows what goes on between the two when Stan isn't seeing Wendy. And he likes the idea that Kyle can only trust him for this kind of comfort. Glad to take this level of friendship away from Stan who kinda ruined it when he stuck his dick in Kyle for the first time.

At the same time Kenny _really_ wishes he could have been the one who stuck his dick in Kyle instead.

“Aw come on, Kyle, why be so down? Sure you’re a bitch and have a tendency to be an extremely preachy shithead – “

“Your _point,_ ”

“You’re not that bad, okay dude? Why would Stan ever want to leave you behind?” He tacked on with a bit of an edge. If Stan couldn’t see the way Kyle saw him, that was his problem, but Kenny can’t help but feel jealous that he still had someone who was willing to be with him after all that.

“It’s so all or nothing with you two.” He feels the redhead tense up next to him, working himself up to an argument. But Kenny was faster. “It’s either, ‘we’re super beast friends and we’ll fight to the ends of the world for each other, this being apart shit is for the fucking bears’ or ‘I never want to speak to you ever again’. Pick one, why don’t you? And spare all of us the drama.”

They stay quiet for a long while after that, Kyle seething with anger and maybe a bit of self-reflection. It's actually a nice kinda quiet. He doesn’t regret what he said, even if Kyle ends up being annoyed with him for the rest of the time they spend here. Someone needed to get both their heads out of each other’s asses long enough for them to see the forest for the trees.

He spends this time drinking a bit more. He likes his vices, and if there’s one good thing about reincarnation is that his body always comes back good as new, and ready for some other way for him to fuck it up.

Kyle shivers slightly next to him and huddles a bit closer. The wind is a bit chilling today, but underneath his ratty, orange parka, it actually feels nice. He can close his eyes for a bit and imagine that he isn’t just some stupid teenager stuck in a dead-end situation, amongst the trash where he belongs, next to a friend whom he knows likes someone else. Instead, for a while, maybe he can imagine that things are better. That he’s out on a date with a cute guy and they’re talking about their future on the roof of his truck, a moonlight saga with a perfect ending.

And, when he opens his eyes, it doesn’t feel all that different.

“I know we’re a mess.” Kyle says. It sounds so far away from all of this. “I actually, I made Stan mad at me. He and Wendy were getting back together and I told him that he’s such a fucking coward for doing this.”

“He kinda is.” He says softly.

“Yeah but, who am I to say that, really? I still, haven’t told Stan how I feel, yet whenever his life falls apart I still rush there to help him get through it. Like, let him use me as an emotional baggage. It’s exhausting, but I still let him, and I know it hurts me in the end. We’re exactly the same, too scared to go out of our comfort zones with each other.” 

Kenny used to admire the lengths Stan went through for Kyle. And it's part of the reason why he can't really hate him now. It felt like he would move mountains and oceans just for Kyle, even though Kyle could never quite do the same back. And it made him wonder _Why?_ Why go through all that when the return just wasn't the same.

“You know, for a while, I used to think it was Stan who was obsessed with you, who practically _needed_ you in his life." He began. "But now I can see that you’re both this way. It's like you two were made for each other.” Kenny says, and he doesn’t know why he’s really saying it. It’s not as if he really cares about what happens between them at this point. He just wants to be able to have Kyle to himself. Kenny doesn’t resent Stan, he’s a good friend and a good person who’s sometimes too soft for his own good, but he has a lot in his life he isn't aware enough of to appreciate, and Kenny is jealous of that kind of obliviousness.

“God since when did you become my shrink?” Kyle snapped, and he softened immediately afterwards. “I’m – sorry. Shit, dude. Why am I so mean?”

Kenny smirked. “Aww Kyle you don’t have to hold yourself back, I think it’s adorable when you get angry!”

“It’s not a matter of holding myself back.” Kyle huffed. “I just, I wish I could be more like you and Stan. You guys are so…good. It’s weird.”

“ _That’s_ weird to you? Trying to be a decent person?” Kenny doesn’t really agree but he can kinda see where Kyle is coming from. Stan has always been nice and willing to help those in need, and Kenny likes to think of himself as a hero sometimes.

“I’m just under the belief that ‘good’ and ‘South Park’ are mutually exclusive terms. I don’t think there can be good people in this town sometimes, but you guys make an exception, in my mind.”

“Suure,” He says, putting his arms behind his head to lean back against the metal hood. At the end of the day, Kenny has seen Heaven and Hell and knows that there are no good or bad people, only people who lucked out at birth while the others suffer what they must. But he wants Kyle to keep believing, more for Kenny’s sake than his own. Kyle doesn’t seem to like the response and smacks his hands against the hood in frustration.

“I’m serious! Just look at yourself, Kenny! You’ve got the whole stereotypical white-trash-abused-bad-boy thing going on. You don’t owe the world anything but you know what you do? You don’t just take it, you don’t complain about how it’s not fair, you go out of your way to help people and live your life without complications. It’s different, it’s – defying conventions!”

“It’s what everyone here does. They go against what’s expected of them in some way. People here are a little unusual but it’s not always a bad thing.”

“I just want to know how you do it sometimes. I feel like, even though I know I’m not in a bad position in life, I just can’t help feeling ire at the world. Like no matter how much I’m given I still just want to take more. I’m just so greedy.”

Kenny doesn’t think that’s really a bad thing. Sometimes he’d much rather be greedy than be what he is now. Kyle thinks he’s like this because he knows how to take punches from life and just make the best of it, but really, Kenny is only passive because he’s given up on himself.

“I think that’s okay. Sometimes, you got to go to the right extremes to get what you want.”

“But doesn’t that make me a bad person?” He whispers.

Kenny shrugs in response. “You’re too caught up in all that. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re half as bad as you make yourself out to be, Kyle.”

“…Thanks, Kenny.”

And maybe it’s his imagination, but he feels the weight of Kyle’s head against his shoulder and his eyes shoot open. Kyle has shut his eyes in the same fashion as he did earlier, his russet bangs fluttering slightly in the night sky. It’s an incredibly fragile moment of peace. After a long moment of silence, Kenny takes his hands out from under his head and wraps them around Kyle instead, thankful for another moment of bliss in his otherwise shitty life.

When Kyle wraps his hands around Kenny’s waist, it feels like he can be saved.


End file.
